Last year the Vatican published seven additional deadly sins. I’d like to point out first, that I had nothing to do with this whatsoever, and second, that these new sins are all pretty gay. The new deadly sins are listed below, along with my comments:
8. genetic modification – Hello? Genetic modification rocks! Who hasn’t thought about how awesome it would be to have an extra arm or wings or a second head? I don’t think this is a sin, let alone a “deadly” sin.
9. human experimentation This is totally arguable. It depends on what kind of experiment you’re running, and who you’re running it on, and what’s at stake. For example, we might want to use Senator Larry Craig, Bernie Madoff, or Eliot Spitzer to help us determine which was the most effective torture method in Elizabethan England. I think it would be totally acceptable to take some grandma off the freeway and throw her at an electrical fence to see if it’s working. Why should either of those count as a deadly sin?
10. polluting the environment - Technically, farting is polluting the environment. Need I say more?
11. social injustice - Were they running out of ideas already by the time they got to number 4? What the fuck does that even mean anyway? That’s not a deadly sin; it’s a nightmare final examination: Question 1: Define “social injustice” in 500 words or less. Be specific. Get real you wankers.
12. causing poverty This strikes me as being kind of vague; a little bit open to interpretation. Technically, by passing around a collection plate every Sunday, the Church is probably causing, oh I don’t know, just a little bit of poverty here and there.
13. financial gluttony Having been to the Vatican once or twice, this one strikes me as a bit … I don’t know … rich.
14. taking or selling drugs Seriously? Do you mean every pharmacist; every store that has ever sold Tylenol has committed a deadly sin. Pretty much everyone in the Western world is going to Hell now, on account of having treated a headache? Bummer. Or do you think those wankers meant something more specific than just “drugs”? Fucking idiots.
So those blow. I think I might have to come up with some replacements.
